Hermosa & the Bi☥ch

1st of all when I don't have the guts to say how I feel I write & if 160 characters is not enough I go to my online journal plus right now I'm too tired to go get my journal,dust it off,find my writing pen,turn on the light,sit right, & write my emotions ... Bare with me. *sighs* How true all of it is idk I believe less than half of what I hear nowadays & truthfully I don't like that about myself but that is another blog w/in itself. However it was just said to me that I have not been saying I love you lately. Not orally at least. I admit I don't like saying it first. Childish maybe but it is because of an insecurity that I think that if I initiate those magic words they will be said back by obligation. My love for you leaks out of my heart as if there is a bullet piercing it. I hate telling you that while thinking you don't believe I do. Honestly I rather show it than say it since actions speak louder... Look I just don't like saying it first I

I was told I had low self-esteem & didn't know what love was. For those reasons I "settled". I might not know what love is but I know what it is NOT! Love is not never forgiving. Love is not harboring hate. Love is not always easy or never painful. Love is not fearless. I am not settling. Nor am I running. How can I ever find love with my hands tied behind my back & my eyes glued shut? Love is supposed to hurt, like they say what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. I'm not dead yet. Every minute of every day we find new things we enjoy about each other. They might be things we once overlooked or took for granted but nothing stays the same. We are loving the constant change and growing. Love is supposedly a battle. Well if we both fighting to be together isn't the prize each other's heart? I don't care if I lose half of myself in this relationship if I am destroying half of my partner as well that way we can complete each other...