Skip to main content

Nah, I don’t care what I am; I’m free hee!

A few yrs ago whilst in the midst of some catty femle beef I looked up BIPOLAR becuz of how it was 'joked' about being had. When I found out it was a depression, I decided to stop saying "I'm bipolar" not wanting to accept/speak depression on myself/others. I refer to ppl's flip flop personality as 'sour patch kid' now instead.
I know what it's like to be depressed. I have had many a suicide thoughts. I once drank alcohol & took the few pills I had at my disposal hoping to die.
I cope by holding on to a fantasy that I will see my baby bro in heaven 1 day, long as I don't die from suicide. I occasionally drink/smoke/take medicines. I create fantasies in my head where things are different, I am happier. I don't dwell on my 'problems' nor do I talk about them. I have sex.
I don't want counseling anymore. It was a time I did, and no one took me seriously. I have survived this long, this way. I'm actually sharing this somewhere that people who "care about me" won't look. I just felt like writing my current thoughts. Not because of Robin Williams but because someone I know and love, has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and it's a secret that myself and a few others are to keep.
That's a burden for me. Keeping secrets. Locking things in, not sharing. It's the reason, I turn to "dangerous" escapes. Often keeping those kind of secrets; things 1 is unhappy about to just yourself, it becomes too much to carry.
But I'm alive and have no plans of leaving soon. So I guess that means I'm fine. Right now. In this moment. And that is good enough for me.
Labels:

Comments

Cean Veezy said…
I always thought you were a strong woman ever since I met you in high school. Even after I read this, I still think youre strong. You may need someone to vent to instead of going about bottling your emotion and just having sex. But who am I to say such a thing? I havent lost a sibling and I truly dont understand the type of depression you went through, but I find if you open up and never keep yourself shut in, then a lot of great things will happen. I believe Im bipolar myself and theres no shame in being so. Difficulty may range depending on how depressed or manic one becomes. But to end this note, I really hope you stay strong and do what you want in your life. If you ever need an ear, just keep me in mind.
August 16, 2014 at 2:32 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Erotic 370

I'm playin lead in ur little play Don't need an understudy I'm ur Babii... All I'm waitin for is u To come & do all that u promised to U say u want this to be urz Well dive inside & fuck me till I'm hoarse My fingers take hold of your hard and sleek body As I whisper in ur ear, "O how I've been naughty" U anxiously shove me, face up against the wall Your left hand holding my neck firmly, The right undoing my work clothes Holdin me down U growl not to move At the control of your force I am weak & ur penis is @ its peak U take no ease puttin him in me I cry out in pain but that is the pleasure of our game I become more aroused as u pound me harder I plead with u to slow it down instead U turn me round, lift me up, From the front u enter now My thighs straddling your waist My juices can't wait They pour down ur legs I’m whimpering out your name, Forgetting to breathe We make our way to the bedroom Where it is ...
4 comments
Read more

The Story of the Other Woman

In order to have a relationship, there are supposed to be halves coming together to make a whole. However in some circumstances, there is still a void from one of the halves. So they add on to try to get their own completeness. Some look at this as deception, lies, and cheating. Unless one has been in that situation like that they can't tell the whole story. Many people like to pity the other woman, saying that she makes herself available to a man that is not hers. However, most couples don't spend every minute of the day with their significant other. They schedule dates, plan ahead the nights they will be sleeping over. Is that not the same thing the other woman is doing with this man? Is he not spending part of his time with one female and part of it with another??? So who is to say who is his full-time lover??? Most people tend to imply that that the man is in full control of the relationship he holds with his many different lovers. Though many people would disagree ab...
1 comment
Read more

Last Nite

The memories of last nite when you joined me in the tub and how when you brushed me as you climbed in triggered something within. My juices got to flowing miraculously and uhh the way you felt inside me. The way my vagina hugged you never have you experienced this kinda warmth. Member how you cradled my hips as I rode  The look in you eyes as you slip in and out... of consciousness.  The music we made a lovely melody of "ohh baby you taste so sweet" as your tongue glide across my clit while you use it to write the alphabets my toes curled, my fingers grab your back, the sheets, your firm little ass cheeks the feeling of your love drippin on my skin  I take u in and devour so many positions our bodies intertwine on the couch, on the floor, on the kitchen counter, against the front door… "Baby, don't stop… more, more… deeper I wanna feel u in my lungs… faster" You go harder your stroke I'm speakin in tongues… "Whose is it?" "Baby it's yours...
3 comments
Read more