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Strugglin

I h8 havin 2 swallow tears & clear my throat so no1 hears the strain in my voice I fake this smile so well that the pain in my eyes r missed My exterior is sooo tough others won't believe that on the inside I'm crumplin it's not jus because he's gone it's because evrythin that was once right is now wrong It's because every show,picture,or song is a reminder of when things were carefree... What if I believed more in me,in us & pushed more for we would this had been avoided? I need to see a clairvoyant to get an idea of how much longer this will last because if it's headin further downhill we need YOUR hand to grasp I mean I'm reachin for it now yet I'm not sure if I'm able to receive handouts aside frm student loans it seems when I ask for assistance I'm always turned down tryin to remember & focus on that positive spirit,positive mind,positive outcome but how is that valid when life itself is predetermined?
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