Hermosa & the Bi☥ch

I have a weird living arrangement. I can't even go into detail it about because quite frankly I don't know/understand it. Technically the place is in his name but it's been "our" home for 3 years now (well 1 if u go by the time I updated my license). Somehow I went from a live in lover to a maid. I cook 99% of all cooedk meals we &/our guest eat. I CLEAN the house. (He vacuums the hell out of it tho & every now and again he puts a shine on the porcelain in our (aka HIS) bathroom. 😆) What sparked this post was the fact that I ran a sink of dish water to wash a few dishes before bed but before I knew it, it was 2 am & I was borderline tide and they weren't clean. Then I thought about the dishwasher needing to be started. Instead of asking him, I figured I'll just get up a little earlier to knock those things out. Let him tell it EYE (I) leave a mess in about 3 rooms in the house compared to him in 1. (Not true but I'm not about...

It was you whom I recall 1st telling me that, " There's a lot of truth in jest. " So I find it ironic that it is you who was so easily angered because I spoke on the flaw in your little joke. See today I woke up literally minutes before I was to be at work but before I ran out the door, I thought to take out meat for dinner. 2 different meats because we have different diets ( since it is EYE who needs to be " healthier " ). After my shift, I had car trouble. I called you. You came, from home where you slept in after a long day of relaxing, and you saved the day. Then you let it be known you were aggravated by having to do so. But aren't you the hero? Oh I forgot, I'm no damsel. I'm my own heroine. I'm expected to be understanding & even wait up for you while you save the real damsels. Noticed about 10 mins from home you were no longer trailing me. I got home from work about 30 mins later than usual.  Got a text 20 mins later that read ...

I just want to break down and cry Have you hold me as tears fall uncontrollably But I can't. Because truthfully you're with her. You always have time for her. Even when it's my time, she's on ur mind. She's all that you desire But I'm supposed to believe you when you tell me you l-ve me? I'm always on the verge of tears There's so much pain in my eyes,  you don't see. Because you long since stop looking at me. I find comfort in the warmth of alcohol Amazed me how it easily it goes down now                 All hours of the day you find a way to get away from me Like I suffocate YOU What about those times you wanted me with you? When I rushed to leave where I was to be where you were? Now I could go missing and you wouldn't know unless someone else told you All I want is for your actions to match your words For your body heat to melt the ice around my heart Or for you to let me go...

A few yrs ago whilst in the midst of some catty femle beef I looked up BIPOLAR becuz of how it was 'joked' about being had. When I found out it was a depression, I decided to stop saying "I'm bipolar" not wanting to accept/speak depression on myself/others. I refer to ppl's flip flop personality as 'sour patch kid' now instead. I know what it's like to be depressed. I have had many a suicide thoughts. I once drank alcohol & took the few pills I had at my disposal hoping to die. I cope by holding on to a fantasy that I will see my baby bro in heaven 1 day, long as I don't die from suicide. I occasionally drink/smoke/take medicines. I create fantasies in my head where things are different, I am happier. I don't dwell on my 'problems' nor do I talk about them. I have sex. I don't want counseling anymore. It was a time I did, and no one took me seriously. I have survived this long, this way. I'm actually sharing this ...

I hate that I'm homeless, I mean a house IS NOT a home, especially not this one. I hate how little this house is, there's no where for ME to put MY stuff. I have boxed up essentials & unnecessary stuff unpacked. I am not at liberty to paint or nail a hole in the wall. I can't buy a shelf or a dresser. I am depressed. I NEED to escape. Creatively. Freely. Uniquely.

There's no holiday cheer in our home. It never is. Any cheer truthfully, unless I supply it. I'm tired thou. Overworked & underappreciated. It's in my face. It's in every single, "Don't worry about it." I mutter. But it's unnoticed. Ignored. Not a priority. I'm trying to b the best friend/lover/partner/parent/person possible. Breaking my spirit. Stressing. I'm drained. But I must paint on a smile. Say that I'm fine... wonder if I'd b missed when I'm gone???

Let’s get this clear… I’m not the woman that he complains about. I’m not that woman in which he bad mouths. I’m the woman whom he doubts. The one when he’s in jam, bails him out. When he’s struggling, helps him out. The one he leaves to go to others and lie about. Let him tell it, he’s been single for the past several years. I’m just his best friend whom he holds quite dear. I think he figures when his life becomes that of his dreams, he’ll find someone better than me. But now while he’s still on his way, I’m best to have in his pocket, his ace in the hold, isn’t that what they say? But that woman who doesn’t know how to treat a man, he always speaks of, he once claimed as his wife, so I’m guessing they were madly in love. He hasn’t moved on from her, I believe no one compares. Not to her cooking, cleaning, or fashionable flair. She must have set a standard so high, because sinc...

I've learned that when it comes to my relationships, I'm the problem. I'm the reason for the arguments. I don't understand. I don't listen. I don't care. I don't answer questions correctly. I won't change. I don't consider other's feelings. I don't make time. I don't plan dates. I don't cook for them. I don't cook well. I'm always in/on my phone. I'm always on my computer. I'm always on a social network. I don't talk to them. I isolate myself. I don't try to bond with their family/friends. I'm sneaky. I lie. I hide shit. I'm secretive. I'm sensitive. I'm argumentative. I LOVE to debate. I'm stuck up. I'm not humble. I'm childish. I'm not sexual. I'm cold. I'm not affectionate. I don't care about how I look. I'm not tidy. I'm wild. I don't make good choices. I'm emotional. I'm rebellious. I'm not wife material. I won't let anyone in. I don...

     Other people make a space beautiful. I kinda feel dumb writing about this. However I have a lot on my chest. I made the decision to start a new life. I have convinced myself that in order to move forward, I must let go of the past. I am giving up my home. Not house but HOME. A place that I built with my love and my dreams. My comfort zone is going to be gone. I’m giving up my childish ways. My stuffed animal friends, my doll baby (I say it backwards because although she is a doll she is MY BABY.) I will no longer be able to put things the way I want them or how I want them. I am letting go of my space. My individuality, creativity, my freedom will be boxed up or thrown out or sold. No longer will I be able to enjoy the company of pets that I am used to. With each word I type I begin to question the choice I am making. Only because I am giving up soooo much on a hope, not a guarantee. Not a promise, not even a wish, or an expectation. Sacrificing my EVER...

It's funny how every time you put your phone down, it's face down. And no matter who you talk to when you speak about it later, you can never remember a name. You know how to hold the phone @ that perfect angle so only you see your screen. No looking over your shoulder, huh? & you can have a lock on your phone whenever you please? I admit in the past I didn't do things like that BUT hell I didn't think that doing those things meant being sneaky. O wait, it's sneaky when I DO it is just normal for any & every body else?And why is it, I must hear," I need to tell you SOMETHING or show you SOMETHING." WTF is the something??? Like why can't I just be told," Look I've been SECRETLY & SNEAKLY accessing your account and I want to discuss what I came across." Yet I'm sneaky. I'm manipulative. Hiding something. Oh  so because you rather not talk to me or listen when I talk or because you take everything personally that I...

      So one day on Twitter   @_NoBooty   posted this " Ask a man what he wants in a woman he usually speaks of Physical features women usually speak of Other qualities." Being the debator everyone claims I am, I naturally tweeted that I was *preparing to test her theory*. Although I updated the question "Hey fellas, what do you look for when looking for a woman?"  on both my twitter (which may/may not have been private @ the time oopsi)  & facebook, not a single male responded. ;( So I took to texting the males in my phone & I got  a variety of responses. Here's what the men want, ladies & I'm telling y'all EXACTLY how they told me: Male (age 23): Looks and big boobs lol Male (age 27): Independance Male (age 44): Maturity, responsible, independent, financially stable,chemistry, attractive, trust worthy Male (age 21): Intelligence confidence and ability to adapt to change Male (age 25): Really right no...

Oh my gosh! Yes! Yes! Right there. I luv the tuggin & the scratchin & ooo yea pull it  Oh snap that was somthin new. Ooo I see u know what 2 do directin me on how & what u   want me 2 do. omGeee! Dang ... I can't begin 2 explain how good it feels when the Shampoo Girl Lather Rinse & Repeat Damn u hot & all ova me got me bout 2 bust a sweat the way u blowin on my neck... Wish I could turn u off. However if I don’t spend time with u then I can’t manage to do anything else. I sit all up under u... blow dryer.   The things I do for u & the money I spend too just for u 2 split or fall out when u want.  Then I gotta hear, “I need 2 take betta care of u." & Once we get around people u like 2 perpetrate like u always be this way.  When u kno it took 3 hrs to get u straight but I ♥ u, my MANE.                  ...

           1. Relationship: A particular type of connection existing between people; to have dealings with each other 2. Date: a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person 3. Sex: the act carried out for procreation or for pleasure 4. Love: strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything; a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection 5. Girlfriend: a frequent or favorite female companion 6. Boyfriend: a frequent or favorite male companion 7. Partner: a person who shares or is associated with another in some action or endeavor 8. Woman: a female lover 9. Man: a male lover 10. Lover: a person who is in love with another and has a sexual or romantic relationship with them 11. Commitment: a promise of engaging oneself 12. Dating (courting): to try to win the favor/to seek the affections of 13. Engagement: to secure the...

Me: Confession: My life is at a turning point because I realized I have trust issues. I don't trust myself or others... Chanelly_B: good you know. Now what are you going to do to change that? Me: *sighs* good question. I'm giving ppl opportunities to gain/have my trust & I'm being more forthcoming bout my issues & past. Just h8 when they f-ck up. Chanelly_B: and why don't you trust yourself?  Me: Hurt ppl, hurt ppl. Chanelly_B: so you don't trust yourself because you think you'll hurt them on purpose? Me: I won't say I hurt thm on purpose. I just do things for my personal pleasure & don't regret if they get hurt in the process... Chanelly_B: & u try to hurt them before they hurt u? Me: I only do so when I'm hurting thou Chanelly_B: Because they hurt u knowingly? Me: Yuuup. I'll say what bothers me. I'll exhibit I'm not happy. They choose to ignore. They choose to be hurt... I just don't like hurti...

        "What's ya fantasy." he questioned "In a glass elevator."  she replied "Wow! With a dedicated audience? Or just there?" he asked intrigued. "If people are around watching that's on them." she claimed It was obvious in his tone he was turned on.She could hear his pants being undone. "What would you be wearing?"  "The person I'm with." she giggled. He moaned. "A red off the shoulder gown. No under garments. Easy access."  "Tell me more." he pleads "Face against the glass. He's taking me from behind. The glass is cold against my boobs. Nipples hard. As he rams me harder, I reach down and rub my clit." She hears silent moans and the sound of him pleasing himself, his breathing a bit rushed. "His hand is intertwined in mine above our heads. Using the railing as a grip, he plunges harder. He bites my left shoulder, I scream in agony and joy as I cum with ...

Maybe it's because I'm not a parent. Maybe because I'm a pisces living in a fantasy world. Maybe because I'm not materialistic. Maybe idk the maybe but I don't get stressed or depressed or broke over trying to provide the perfect Christmas. I recall making gingerbread houses with my mom, sister, cousins, and a few friends. Baking cookies for Santa... and ourselves lol. Dressing my doll baby, that I got the Christmas I turned 6 (& still have), in my bro's christening outfit and putting her under the tree. Waking up in the morning to so many gifts. Honestly I only remember asking for a specific gift, not from Santa but from my dad, Tickle Me Elmo when I was 9. I didn't get it but Santa, my mom, and my aunts and uncles got me so many gifts I still had an enjoyable holiday. [My dad lived in Georgia, I lived in Indiana I don't know how him and mom went about finances] Anyways, I don't grasp the concept of buying a bunch of video games or adult elec...

  April showers bring May flowers But what good comes of October's rain??? My tears are masked by every drop and I pretend to be scared of thunder To hide my pain I found the red October It's the month covered in my loved ones blood My heart was buried there If we really reap what we sow Maybe one day I'll be able to love again

In order to have a relationship, there are supposed to be halves coming together to make a whole. However in some circumstances, there is still a void from one of the halves. So they add on to try to get their own completeness. Some look at this as deception, lies, and cheating. Unless one has been in that situation like that they can't tell the whole story. Many people like to pity the other woman, saying that she makes herself available to a man that is not hers. However, most couples don't spend every minute of the day with their significant other. They schedule dates, plan ahead the nights they will be sleeping over. Is that not the same thing the other woman is doing with this man? Is he not spending part of his time with one female and part of it with another??? So who is to say who is his full-time lover??? Most people tend to imply that that the man is in full control of the relationship he holds with his many different lovers. Though many people would disagree ab...

"We're in a relationship but we're not.I mean when we together, we're together but when we're apart, we're apart. We do us." See that makes no sense to me. If you can not or will not acknowledge your partner except when the two of y'all are together privately how is that considered a partnership/relationship? I understand it ain't everybody business but seriously that is a cop out to justify your insecurities to why y'all ain't really a y'all. It should not be acceptable for your PARTNER to go publicly and deny being in a relationship then privately say to you, "We know what it is." When the partner who wants public acknowledgment has a private affair with someone else, are they in the wrong???